“Never again will I justify the scars just because I loved the person holding the knife.” -Steve Maraboli
Sometimes we do this when we are children out of a need to survive.
When we are little, we are essentially in captivity.
We must excuse, deny, refuse to see the reality – if the one who is supposed to love us is also the one who hurts us.
If we take in that reality, we have nowhere else to turn. So, we create a way to not see it.
When we can’t acknowledge that being hurt shouldn’t go along with being loved, we too easily find ourselves accepting the same once we are all grown-up – despite being seemingly free to choose differently.
The Defenses of Non-Realization (painting a picture of reality that covers over and protects against the pain of what actually is) and Idealization (inflating what is good because it is intolerable to accept the whole truth about a loved one) – are powerful forces that help us adapt and survive when we have no other choice.
But, then they become powerful barriers to our healing and our freedom to see and respond accurately to all of the good and bad complexities of our relationships.
I would love to hear if you resonate with this – and I hope you will share your reflections and thoughts!!
Thank you to Steve Maraboli for the profound original quote!!